Hope
by hopeontherocks
Summary: The House of Anubis residents help Patricia fight her demons. Rated T for self harm.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING: This story is about recovering from self harm. It could be very, very triggering. **_**You should not read if it would trigger you to hurt yourself! **_**I hope that the message of recovery shines through but in case it doesn't I want to clarify that I am not encouraging self harm. I am encouraging recovery. This story is very loosely based on my life and I am writing it to cope with my past. If anyone needs to talk to someone about self harm or anything else please send me a private message. I will always answer and never judge. **

**On a more positive note I just want to clarify sometimes. I have yet to watch season three so this is like a season one and season two combo. In this story Eddie and Joy came back and Mick stayed. For sleeping arrangements Nina and Amber share their old room, the same for Patricia and Mara and Alfie and Jerome. All of that stays exactly the same. Joy has her own room, which is in the attic, and Fabian and Mick's room has been renovated to accommodate three people, them and Eddie. Also in this story Sibuna doesn't exist and there is no mystery. It is simply a story about teenagers at a boring high school.**

**I appreciate reviews but please remember that this story is very personal and try to avoid too much criticism, thank you. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own House of Anubis. I make no money from this story. I am not encouraging self harm and I cannot be held accountable for the actions of readers.**

I am a cutter. That is a fact about me that I am not proud of yet it is part of me in a way I cannot even begin to explain. There are scars on my legs and my wrists; ugly scars that are there because I put them there, I made them. I once read somewhere in some article written by some doctor who had never self harmed explaining self harm to people who don't self harm and it said, "A self harmer is both the victim and the abuser." I guess to some degree that is true although I never thought about it that way.

For some reason today I have a lot of energy. It feels like I drink too much caffeine but I haven't had a drop all day. I don't think I had any yesterday either. In class at school the day moves so slowly I can't stand it. I feel like time has been frozen around me. At lunch I can't sit still and walk around campus with Fabian and Nina gabbing away about lots of things. My brain moves in a circle, having one conversation then circling back to one I had five minutes ago and then jumping back to the next conversation.

Fabian and Nina watch me curiously, "Are you okay Patricia?" Fabian asks, "You're talking a little bit fast."

"I am?" I say, "Really? I didn't realize it. I guess I am talking fast or maybe you guys are just talking slow. I think maybe that's it."

"Maybe you should sit down," says Nina, trying to guide me to a bench.

"I'm fine," I tell her, "I am terrific. I am wonderful."

"Patricia," she says, "Please just sit down."

"But I'm fine," I insist stubbornly.

Later that day in the room that I share with Mara I am typing an essay for our history class. "Wow," Mara comments, "You're typing really fast. I guess you like the topic."

"Yeah," I say, "I guess I do."

Mara tells me she is going to see Mick. Soon after she leaves Joy comes in.

"Patricia?" she asks, "Can I talk to you?"

"I guess," I tell her.

"I'm so jealous of Nina," she says. "It's just not fair."

"What's not fair?" I ask, barely paying attention.

"That she and Fabian are together," she says.

"I think they're cute," I say.

"How could you?" She asks, "You're supposed to be my friend."

"I am your friend," I tell her, still talking quickly, "But I'm also Nina's friend and Fabian's friend and I think they're cute together."

"Do you think Fabian and I would be cute together?" She asks.

"Joy," I say," Maybe you should just find someone else to like. Fabian and Nina are really happy together. Don't ruin it for them just because you want a boyfriend."

"That's easy for you to say," she says angrily, "You have Eddie!"

"Yes," I say, "I have Eddie but to get Eddie I didn't sabotage anyone's relationship!"

"Screw you! I don't think I want to be your friend anymore," she says and storms out the door.

After she leaves the weight of the fight hits my chest. Joy is a good friend and we rarely fight. I grab the box where I keep my razor and go to the bathroom so I can have privacy. I've done this a million times before but this time I really am completely out of control. I make the cuts fast, quickly, without stopping. Suddenly I drop the blade to the floor; I have cut too deep. It was an accident of course I don't want to die or anything like that but I'm scared and instead of getting Trudy I sit on the bathroom floor holding a towel to my arm and start to cry. I don't know how long I am there before I hear voices outside.

"Where's Patricia?" Eddie Miller, my boyfriend, asks Mara.

"I'm not sure," Mara said, "Check the bathroom."

A few moments later I hear a knock on the door. "Patricia?" He asks, "Are you in there?"

"Don't come in," I call out.

"Have you been crying?" he asks, his voice is kind.

"No," I call out, "Don't come in!" But it is too late the doorknob is already turning.

"Patricia!" he says, taking in the blood, the razor, and me, sitting in the middle of the scene holding a towel that is red with blood to my arm. "What the hell happened?"

"Accident," I manage to say but he is already yelling for Trudy.

When Trudy arrives she takes the towel from my arm and very gently looks at it. I watch her eyes take in the cuts and the scars especially the fresh cuts, the ones that are still bleeding. She pays extra attention to the deepest one, finally she says "Patricia I need to take you to the emergency room. The cut looks like it needs stitches."

"Okay," I say, reluctantly, "Fine."

Trudy, Eddie and I ride to the hospital in Trudy's car. I hold a towel to my arm and try to avoid looking Eddie in the eye. When we get there they take me into a room and clean my arm. Eddie stands next to me the whole time. When the doctor goes to stitch up my cut Eddie turns to him, "Are you going to numb her arm?"

"Why?" The doctor asks, "She cut herself on purpose."

"You ass!" Eddie says, "Treat her the way you'd treat any other patient."

"Eddie," says Trudy, a reminder to be respectful.

"But Trudy," he protests.

"I know," she says. To the doctor she says, "Doctor, would you mind numbing her arm please?"

Finally my arm is stitched up and we drive back to Anubis House. Victor is just giving his pin drop speech when we come inside.

"Victor," Trudy says, "Maybe we should let them see that Patricia's okay before they go to bed. Otherwise they'll worry."

"They can see her tomorrow," he says.

Trudy leads us into the living room and Victor goes up to his office.

"Okay," she says, "I'm going to call the guidance counselor because this isn't really something I have experience with. Until she gets here you can talk to each other and then Eddie you have to go to bed."

She leaves and Eddie and I are left in an uncomfortable silence.

"So," he says, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," I answer him, trying once again not to look at his eyes, "Thank you."

"Patricia," he says, "Why?"

"I honestly don't know," I tell him.

It's true; I have no idea why I do this to myself.

"I love you so much," he says, "Please talk to the counselor and try to get better."

"Okay," I say, "I will."

He wraps his arms around me and we sit there until Trudy comes back.

"Patricia," she says, "I need to speak to you privately."

"Can Eddie please stay?" I ask.

"Fine," she says kindly.

"Patricia," she says, "The guidance counselor says that the best way to start recovery from self harm," she says the word like it is foreign to her, "Is to spend a few days in an inpatient treatment center. So I called one and they said that they can take you tomorrow."

"Do I have to go?" I ask.

Trudy sighs and sits down in the chair across from the couch where Eddie and I are sitting.

"Yes," she says, "It's for your own good."

"Please Patricia?" Eddie says.

"Okay," I say, "I'll do it."


	2. Chapter 2

**So this is short but I wanted to post something quickly. Don't worry I'll post even more soon. Same thing applies don't read if it will trigger you and if you need to talk PM me. **

**I don't own House of Anubis. **

The next Trudy drives Eddie and me to the treatment place. Even that word upsets me, I don't want treatment, but it's what Eddie wants me to do. That is my motivation. If I can't do this for myself than I'll do this for him. When we pull up to the center he gets out of the car and hugs me, "Good luck, I'll see you soon. I believe in you."

When I get in there the first thing I do is sit down in a chair. I sit while Trudy signs some forms and says goodbye and good luck. I sit while doctors and nurses go back and forth. Finally someone comes up to me, a woman who I assume is a nurse, "Patricia?" She asks me.

"Yeah," I say.

"We're doing art therapy right now if you want to participate," she tells me.

I can tell that it is a test and that answering no will cause her to mark something down on the clipboard she is carrying so I say, "Sure why not?"

Later that day I am told to go see a doctor. I go into her office and sit down on the couch. The room is filled with books that have titles about mental health. It is rather intimidating.

"So Patricia," she says, "I'm Dr. Owens."

"Nice to meet you," I say, "I came in here because my boyfriend told me that I should but I'm feeling better now I mean really I am so I think you should just send me home. I did the art therapy and I really think that I am feeling fine and that you don't need to keep me here. I promise I won't cut myself."

"Whoa slow down," she says, "Do you always talk that fast?"

"Sometimes," I answer, "I guess maybe I do. I'm not sure."

"What about spend large amounts of money on wild shopping sprees?"

"Um I guess," I tell her, thinking of the $500 I blew at the mall over the weekend, "What does this have to do with anything?"

"You were admitted for self harm. Do you ever have thoughts of suicide?"

"I used to," I tell her, "I'm fine now but during a hard time I did."

"A hard time?" She asks.

"Like when you're stressed, upset, uh, depressed, you know, hard times," I clarify, "Do you know what's wrong with me?"

"Yes," she says, "You have bipolar disorder."

**This is a bit rushed... the meeting with the doctor that is. Bipolar is not usually diagnosed so casually but I needed to do that for the story. **

**Also please, please, please, please leave a review.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Somebody asked me if I could do more today and the answer is yes! **_**If that person or anyone else needs support PM me or email me (selfharmblog at gmail dot com) or visit my tumblr (recovering from self harm dot tumblr dot com) I am here for anyone and everyone who needs it.**_** Don't read if this will trigger you. **

**I don't own House of Anubis.**

The doctor patiently explains to me what bipolar disorder is. Basically people with bipolar experience mood swings that range from severe depression to extreme mania. I am currently experiencing mania, which is why I spent the money, lose control of my cutting and am talking really fast. She explains to me that I have to take mood stabilizers and that it is important that I stay on my meds.

The next day Eddie comes to visit me. We sit in a small room that is used as a classroom so that patients can keep up with there classes. The center employs a teacher who basically communicates with our schools and helps us complete assignments.

"So," he says, "How have you been?"

"I'm think I've been alright," I tell him.

"You think?" He questions.

"Well it's been a long few days," I say, "They know what's wrong with me now."

"What is it?" he asks.

"I'm bipolar," I tell him, "I have bipolar disorder."

"Is there a treatment for that?" He asks.

"Yeah," I tell him, "Mood stabilizers."

"I hope it works," he tells me, "I hate to think of you in pain."

"I'm not in pain," I tell him, "I'm actually pretty happy."

"Well then why did you," he stops, "Do what you did?"

"I was manic," I tell him, "I am manic still the meds haven't brought me back down yet. And Joy and I had a fight. It's how I respond to stress, the cutting. It's how I deal with things."

"How long?" he asks.

"A really long time," I say, almost in tears, "Long enough for what I was doing to myself to stop scaring me."

"Where are your scars?" he asks.

"Arms, legs, it's crazy how much of what was normal skin is now scarred. I have memories of it being normal and it makes me so sad that it's not."

"It's still beautiful," he tells me, "Just like everything about you."

"Thank you," I say to him.

"Can I just ask you one thing?"

"Yes," I nod.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispers.

"I didn't know how to," I tell him, "I am so sorry for everything."

"Don't be sorry," he says, "We all have problems."

"Thank you so much for being there for me," I say.

"You are welcome," he says, "I am so incredibly proud of how strong you're being."


	4. Chapter 4

**Everything still applies. Don't read if this will trigger leave kind reviews. I'll upload another chapter soon.  
**

**I don't own House of Anubis.**

When I had been in the hospital for a week her doctor told her she could go home. Of course I had to see a therapist and a doctor every week but I was just happy to be going back to Anubis House. Walking into the front door was hard because Eddie had told me that everyone knew what happened and I didn't know what everyone would think of me. Luckily as soon as I walked in everyone was waiting for me. They all welcomed me back home and no one mentioned why I was gone.

When they were done saying hi Trudy pulled me aside, "Patricia," she said, "I'm sorry but someone has to go through your things and make sure that you don't have anything you could harm yourself with. I thought you would be more comfortable if it was Eddie instead of Victor or me. What do you think?"

"It's fine," I said, "I'll help him."

Eddie and I went upstairs and he watched in horror as I pulled my tools from their various hiding places. Finally I had everything out. Then I watched as he carefully put them all into a paper bag.

"I still have to check everything," he told me, "It's not that I don't trust you Patricia I just have to, doctor's orders."

I sat on my bed as he checked everything in my room. He didn't find anything of course I really had given him everything.

"They had Mara go through her things too. So you can't borrow weapons," he said, "Everyone is so worried about you."

I appreciate that they're worried but I wish they'd mind their own business.

When he was done checking my room Eddie kissed me, "I love you," he said, "I'm so glad that you're okay."

"I am too," I tell him, 'Just not sure I'm okay yet."


	5. Chapter 5

**This is another short chapter but I'll post more tomorrow. This is inspired by an exchange I had with someone today who said the same thing Joy said to Patricia to me but used different words. In case you hadn't figured it out I am a recovering self-harmer. Today I am six days sober. So if you're in a bad place I totally get it and you can talk to me. **

**Please leave (Kind) reviews. This is not an appropriate story to post criticism on. Please respect that this is a personal story.**

**I do not own House of Anubis. **

We all went to school, there the teachers all pulled me aside at the end of class and told me that they are here for me if I need anything. On my way back to Anubis House I run into Joy. "Hi Patricia," she says and for a second I thought she maybe felt sorry that we'd fought, "I just wanted to tell you that I think it's dumb your getting so much attention for overreacting about a fight. You can't blame me for those cuts it was your choice to cut into your skin with a razor."

"Joy," I said, "I was in a hospital, I have a mental health problem, I have bipolar disorder. Please don't make me feel even worse."

"Whatever," she said, "You may get attention for your cuts but everyone just thinks you're selfish."

"Just please leave me alone Joy," I tell her, walking faster.

"What's the matter?" she asks, "I thought you liked attention."

I am running now, faster and faster, to Anubis House. When I get there I see Eddie and I run up to him. "Please," I say, "Please can I have a razor."

"What happened?" He asks, leading me into his room, "Sit down."

I sit down on his bed and explain what happened. "Do you think I'm selfish?" I ask.

"Not at all," he tells me, "You're a strong, brave person who struggles with a mental illness. It's not selfish to get support and treatment for that."

"No one accuses cancer patients of being selfish," I complain.

"I know Patricia," he says, "It's not fair."


	6. Chapter 6

**Don't read if this will trigger you. More coming soon. Thanks for the reviews! Please leave more. I'm here for you if anyone needs me.**

**I don't own House of Anubis.**

Eddie is right it really isn't fair. If I had been in the hospital for some kind of injury or illness nobody would accuse me of being attention seeking or selfish. But just because my brain is sick instead of my body I'm just making it up for attention according to some people. How very selfish of me!

I don't think being a cutter makes me selfish. There are people out there whose problems are way worse than mine and I know that. But just because people out there have problems doesn't mean my problems don't exist. I realize I am crying and Eddie wraps an arm around me. "Patricia," he says, "It's ok. Joy is just being ignorant."

"Please give me a razor," I beg him.

"No Patricia," he says, "You've got to stay strong. Didn't you and your therapist come up with a list of things to do when you want to cut?"

I nod and think of the list. It's mostly made up of my therapist's suggestions.

"What's the point of recovering anyway?" I ask, "I'm already covered in scars."

"Patricia," he says, "I love you so much and I want you to recover. But I don't think I can make you see the point of recovering. I think that's up to you to find. I almost lost you because of this addiction maybe that's a reason."

"I'm so sorry babe," I say, "I'm really trying."

"I know," he says, "Try doing something on the list."

We sit and talk while I paint my nails (number 8 on the list) a pretty red color. Then we watch TV (number 6). After that I'm calm enough that I can do my math homework, which is simplifying radicals. As long as I don't think too much I can do the problems correctly.

Finally it's time for dinner. I can feel Joy's cruel glare on me the whole time. Halfway through the meal I can't take it anymore and run upstairs to my room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi everyone! This could be triggering. If you need to talk message me. And please, please, please, please, please leave (kind) reviews. To the reviewer named Melanie... Who's writing this story, you or me? LOL! I like your idea but it wasn't the direction I was going in. But… SPOILER ALERT… Patricia is going to relapse at least once during her recovery. It would be unrealistic if she didn't. So stay tuned for that. **

**I don't own House of Anubis.**

The next day when we go downstairs for breakfast Joy isn't there.

"Where's Joy?" I ask Eddie.

"Oh," he says, "I told Trudy about what she said to you and they moved her to another house."

"Oh," I say, unsure how I feel about that.

"Everyone just wants to make sure you're safe and happy Patricia," he says.

"How can they do that without give me special treatment?" I ask.

"They're not giving you special treatment," he tells me, "They're making sure that you're in an environment where you can be safe, happy, and successful. Which is the same thing they do for all of us, they just need to do little more for you right now."

"I guess," I say.

We go to our classes next and in the middle of our last class the entire school is called to the theater for an announcement. "What does your dad want now?" I ask as I sit down next to Eddie.

"Don't worry," he says, "It has nothing to do with you."

"Attention students," Mr. Sweet says, "We are happy to announce that we will be taking a school trip in a two weeks. We will be going to a waterpark."

He goes over the details of the trip but I can't focus on them. All I can think is that waterpark means bathing suits. And bathing suits mean people seeing my scars.

When we get back to Anubis House I go upstairs and Eddie follows me. He is going on and on about how excited his is for the trip. "Don't you think it sounds fun?" He asks.

"Not really," I say.

"Well why not?" He asks.

"Why not?" I ask, "Why do you think not? My body is covered in scars you idiot!"

"Oh," he says awkwardly, "I didn't think of that."

"It's okay," I say, "You haven't seen them."

"How bad are they?" He asks, "Maybe no one will notice."

I sigh and take off my sweater. I am wearing a tank top underneath but it shows enough of my scars that he can see the damage I've done to my body.

"Well," he says, "They're not as bad as I was expecting."

"They're still bad," I say.

"Why don't you start wearing short sleeves and shorts?" He asks, "That way everyone can get used to the scars before the trip and it won't be such a big deal."

"I guess, I'll that," I say.

"Yeah," he said, "Just start with like long-ish short sleeves tonight at dinner."

"I'll do that," I say, trying to be confident.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi… here's the new chapter. Same things apply. **

**Please review.**

**I don't own House of Anubis.**

Eddie and I sit and chat for a while and I help him with his math homework. He doesn't find simplifying radicals as easy as I do. Mara comes into the room and I ask her if I can borrow a shirt.

"Um yeah," she says, "What kind?"

"Do you have anything with uh," I turn to Eddie, "What did you call them?"

"Long-ish short sleeves?" He says.

"Yeah," I say, "Something with long-ish short sleeves."

"I don't think so," Mara says, "Sorry. I like short sleeves."

She leaves and I turn to Eddie. "I'm just going to get it over with," I say, "I'll wear a tank top."

"Okay," he said, "I think that's a good idea."

But the closer I get to dinner the more nervous I get. I put on the tank top and look in the mirror. All lots of my scars show. They are thick lines, some pink, some white, and some red. There's really no way anyone could not notice them. My upper arms especially have scars from deep cuts. And then there is the bandage from the cut that went too deep.

"Everyone's going to see them," I say to Eddie.

"Patricia," he says, putting an arm around me, "These people are your friends. They care about you. They're not going to change their opinion of you because of some lines on your skin."

"Are you sure?" I ask, "Joy did."

"Joy isn't a great person anyway," he points out, "Listen Patricia, you are a truly awesome person and everyone in Anubis House loves you. I'll be there with you the whole time. "

"I'm just not sure that I'm ready to do this," I tell him.

"It's okay," he says, "I'll be there the whole time and you will be okay."

When Trudy calls us for dinner I grab Eddie's hand. I still am holding it, really squeezing it, when I am about to walk into the dining room. I start to turn away but he keeps holding my hand and whispers in my ear, "I am so incredibly proud of how strong you're being."

I step into the dining room and everyone looks up. I can see on their faces that they are shocked but nobody says anything about the cuts.

"Hi guys," Nina say, to break the awkward moment, "Trudy made pasta."

"Cool," I say and sit down in my usual seat.

Eddie sits down next to me and keeps holding my hand. "Sounds good," he says, "I'm hungry."

Trudy brings out the pasta and we all dig in. Every once in a while someone sneaks a glance at my arms but no one says anything.


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter could be very triggering. Like always don't read if this will trigger you. Message me if you need to talk to someone. Please leave reviews. Melanie: Like I said before your idea wasn't the direction the story was going in at that point. However this chapter incorporates your idea! **** I hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own House of Anubis or Too Old To Die Young by Will Hoge, which is where the song lyrics come from. It's a great song and you should all listen to it.**

The next day I wear a short sleeve shirt to school. The end of the sleeve hits just above my elbow. It shows a bunch of scars but not nearly as many as last night. Eddie is not in my history class so he is not with me when I run into Joy.

"Hi Patricia," she says sarcastically, "I love how you got me kicked out of Anubis House. It's wonderful to have to start over in a new place."

"Leave me alone Joy," I say, but she continues.

"Oh look she's wearing short sleeves," she says, "How cute! Now she can tell the whole world that she's a pathetic, selfish, ungrateful cutter."

"Joy," I say, "Why are you doing this to me? You were my friend. I don't get it."

"What about people with cancer Patricia?" she asks, her voice full of hate, "Did you ever think about them? They probably hate you for destroying your perfectly good body. It works the way it should, doesn't it?"

"My body works just fine," I say, "It's my brain that doesn't work right. I am aware that my life is reasonably good. I'm thankful for the parts of me that are healthy. But mentally I am not healthy. I have an illness that is just like any other illness; it just affects a different part of my body. Just like any other illness it needs treatment, the same way an illness like cancer needs treatment, and getting that treatment and learning to live with my illness doesn't make me pathetic, selfish, ungrateful or attention seeking. "

"Whatever," Joy says, "Everyone thinks that you're pathetic and selfish and ungrateful and attention seeking, even that boyfriend of yours, so I guess it doesn't really matter what you think."

For some reason this statement hits me hard and I walk away from Joy. I go to my locker, which is the one place they forgot to search for tools, and reach inside. I take out the blade and hurry to the bathroom. There I roll up my pant leg and dig into my skin once again. The words of a song that I love come to mind, "_I let it run like an open vein, love the pleasure but curse the pain."_

I add another cut and another until there is a line of fresh cuts going up my leg. I let the cuts bleed.

I have been sitting there for a while when I hear voices outside the bathroom.

"Have either of you seen Patricia?" Eddie asks.

"No," says Fabian, "Weren't you and her just in the same class Nina?"

"No," Nina says, "She wasn't in class."

"Damn it!" Eddie says, "Relapse."

"You don't think?" Fabian asks.

"Yeah," Eddie says, "I do."

"Gosh," Nina says, "She was doing so well."

"Nina," Eddie says, "Would you check the girl's bathroom?"

The door opens and Nina comes in, "Eddie!" She calls.

He and Fabian come in right as I burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry Eddie," I say, "I'm so sorry."

"Relapse is part of recovery," he says.

I get up and wash the blood from my leg. Then I open the pocket of my school bag and take out a bag of Band Aids. I put them over my cuts and then roll my pant leg back down.

"You think that I'm pathetic, stupid, selfish and ungrateful don't you?"

"Patricia," he says, "Listen to me. I do not think any of those things. I never will think any of those things. Please try to believe that because it is the truth."


	10. Chapter 10

**Peddemotional! I love it! Such a perfect word. Thank you so much for the reviews. I'm glad you're reading author's notes now Melanie. Sometimes they're important. Like right now for example when I remind you not to read if you are likely to be triggered by a story about self harm and that you can PM me or email (selfharmblog at gmail dot com) me or contact me on Tumblr (recovering from self harm dot tumblr dot com) if you need to talk you someone. I've given you multiple communication methods because I know not everyone has a Fanfiction account. Also you don't need a Tumblr to contact me on Tumblr you can do it anonymously. **

**Please leave a review and tell me what you think of this story! I love getting reviews but please try to keep them positive. If you don't have anything nice to say don't say it. Ordinarily I would tell you to say whatever you wanted about my story good or bad but this is a very personal story. Thank you so much for respecting that! Nobody has given me any hate for this story yet but I have a friend (also a recovering self harmer) who is considering leaving Fanfiction because of the response she got to a story about self harm. I don't want that to happen to me! **

**I don't own House of Anubis.**

"But I messed up," I say, "And I keep messing up."

"You're trying," he says, "That's what's important."

"I'm sorry," I say, "I shouldn't be leaning on you for support like this. It's not fair to you. You should have dumped me when you found out I was crazy."

"Patricia," he says, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, "I'm your boyfriend you are allow to lean on me when you need support. I know you would do the same thing for me. I am not going to break up with you because of an illness. I am here and you can't get rid of me so accept it."

I lean over and kiss him. It's not our first kiss but it's the most romantic, despite the fact that we are currently in the girl's bathroom. Eventually Fabian pulls us apart, "All right you two, I'd say get a room but we're already late you our next class," he says.

"Are you okay Patricia?" Nina asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I tell her. "I'm going to be just fine."

Nina and Fabian start to head to class but Eddie and I stay back for a few moments.

"Patricia," he says slowly and kindly, "Give the razor."

"Oh," I say, "Right."

I keep forgetting that I am not trusted with sharp objects anymore. I hand him the razor.

"Do you have any more hidden away somewhere?" he asks me.

"No," I tell him, "I just had the one hidden in my locker. That's the only one you didn't have."

"Okay," he says, "You know I worry about you. I love you so much Patricia and when I saw all the blood and that cut I thought for a few seconds that I was going to lose you."

"I know you're worried about me," I tell him, "And I can't tell you not to be. The truth is I honestly don't know if I'm ever going to be okay. They say the meds usually work and that life will be somewhat normal but I don't know if I should believe them."

"Patricia," he says, "You've got to have hope. Do you know of anyone who has bipolar disorder?"

"Not really," I say.

"There are a lot of successful people who have it," he says, "They think that one of those old composers had it. I can't remember which one. There are a lot of celebrities with bipolar disorder Two of them are the girl from Terminator and the girl who played Princess Leia. I mean those are really popular, really successful movies that wouldn't have been made if it wasn't possible to live and work with bipolar disorder."

"I guess you're right," I say.

He laughs, "Well I know I am. You are going to have a great life Patricia. Nothing is going to stop you from living life. Not even some mood disorder."

"Thanks for the pep talk," I say, kissing him again.

When he pulls away he laughs, "Fabian's right we've missed most of class."

"Screw class," I say, "Let's go back to Anubis House."

"Patricia," he says, "As much as I would love to skip school to make out with you we really do have to get to class. My dad's the principal. He knows when I skip."

"Okay fine," I say.


End file.
